Goodbye Sunny.

I just got back from picking up Sunny's ashes at the vet. We had to have him euthanized a few weeks ago, he got very sick very fast. He was always a big guy, until last year. He lost a lot of weight, but he stopped losing and his personality didn't change at all. He was still eating fine and running around the house, being a bully to the other cats. Like normal.

About a week before he died he started eating less, so we started to worry. But we decided that we would let Sunny be. He was around 17 years old, and a vet visit he had last year so traumatized him that he gave me a kiss on my nose when I brought him home and removed him from the carrier. If you knew Sunny at all, you would understand how significant this was. We felt that we gave him a good life, and we learned from trying to force feed Melon last year that we never wanted to do that again. All that stuff to keep the cat alive I think is more for the owner's sake than for the cat's. We knew he would let us know when it was time, and we would try to check our emotions when that time came.

On Sunday night we thought it was time, but it was hard to let him go, and the next day was our anniversary. We tried to make him comfortable, but that was hard too. He went from jumping on the couch to not being able to stand up in about 3 days. We called the vet Monday night and they said to just bring him in anytime on Tuesday. We didn't put him in the carrier, Sarah held him on her lap. At our vet they usually give the cat a tranquilizer before they give the injection for euthanasia, but they brought him back into the room and told us that he didn't need it. When they set him down on the table and got the injection ready, Sarah thought he had already passed. The vet put her stethoscope on his stomach, and Sunny drew this long, harsh breath and scared the crap out of me. He did that a few more times while the vet got the syringe ready. My thought is that he was stressed about being at the vet and it pushed him over the edge.

I think that I was more sad for Sunny before he died than after. Usually I become unhinged with grief when one of our pets die, so I don't know why I didn't really do that this time. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or if it's because we lost 3 of our cats within a 14 month period. I don't know if my feelings will change in the future, but I guess I won't worry about that now.

Like I said in my blog about him, Sunny was a sweet guy who was constantly rebuffed by our first cat Bruiser, and we think that made him a little mean. He was definitely a couch bully, he would bat at other cats to get a good spot, or he would just flop down his 14 pounds on top of them until they moved. He was a good lap cat though, and loved to be petted, but as I said, he did not like your face anywhere near his. I love you buddy, I miss and I'll never forget you.

Dream State

The past few weeks, especially this week, have seemed sort of unreal to me. This week is definitely because of losing Bunky; he's been around for so long when he wasn't supposed to be that I thought he would ALWAYS be here with us. Work has been changing a lot too, and although it was initially my doing, I'm not really sure if it's good or not. I hope this clears up soon because it feels strange.

I thought that I would break down sobbing at some point over Bunky, at least once, since I did twice for melon. maybe that's a part of it, the grief is stuck inside and can't come out for some reason. I have moments where I well up a bit (we got a card today from the vet who told us he would be dead within a year back in 1998; it was a few simple phrases but very sweet and heartfelt. You would think vets always have clinical detachment, but I guess sometimes they don't), but no sobbing. I don't know if it will happen now, and I don't know what that means. Maybe the scab will be ripped off next week when I pick up his ashes.

Two things I wanted to mention about Bunk was the way he liked to snuggle you. He would bury his head in your armpit or elbow and be content to lay that way until you moved. Being cat people, we would try our hardest not to disturb the cats unless we lost total feeling in the snuggled appendage. I liked to scratch his back hard, I'm not sure if he liked it or not, but I wouldn't stop until he made this "mrat" noise. I hope he liked it. He would also give you a kiss on the mouth sometimes, but you really had to beg for it. He gave me one on Saturday, which is nice to remember now.

I still hope to write blogs about the rest of our animals, past and present. I'll try to get moving on that. Taking a break from Facebook to do something mildly constructive on the internet would be a refreshing change of pace. You may also have noticed that my book blog posts have fallen by the wayside. I was going to note that here awhile back when I joined Goodreads, but I stopped updating that too. Oh well, maybe I'll try again next year. One book-related promise I made to myself is to read the children's book The Enormous Egg this year. Why? The summer between 4th and 5th grade, we did a summer reading project where you would get a prize if you read the most books. I forgot what the prize was, but I won handily with 100 books. The Enormous Egg was on the list, but I actually did not read it. I had a pile of library books that had to be returned, so I just returned them all and told my mom that I had read them all. I felt bad about it, but it wouldn't have affected the outcome. To this day I feel bad about this, which is why I finally want to read it. Is that weird?

Goodbye Bunky.

I hoped that I wouldn't have to write another one of these posts so soon after Melon passed away, but it was not to be.

Bunky had been sneezing on and off for a few weeks and had also lost some weight. We had planned on taking him to the vet, but we were having some trouble paying our bills, so we kept putting it off. Aside from the sneezing, he seemed fine. He was eating well and constantly underfoot as usual, especially when I was preparing food. This past Friday he was in the kitchen, on his hind legs begging for cheese. Saturday he was with us on the couch while we were watching tv and had taken a nap with us in the afternoon. By Sunday though, he didn't respond at all to us calling for him, and also was not interested in the wet food we gave to him (he normally ate dry food). Remembering what Melon went through, we got the syringe out and gave him the juice from the cat food, then some chicken broth later on. He threw some of it back up but kept most of it down, which made us think that because he was congested, he couldn't smell the food and didn't want to eat it. So we put him in the bathroom when we took a shower and ran it a few times when we weren't, and it seemed to help him. Late Sunday night he was very lethargic and fighting the force feeding more, and he would make this long, distressed mewling sound which scared me. We talked about going to the emergency vet, but we knew we couldn't afford it.

I called our regular vet the next morning while I was at work. The only time they could fit us in was at 10, but I couldn't get off work that early on short notice, and Sarah couldn't leave work because she was there by herself. The vet receptionist made me feel bad about that, which I didn't care for. We settled on Tuesday at 10, so we tried to make Bunky comfortable until then. We tried giving him more broth, but he was fighting us even more. I went to bed early so I could get out of work in time to take him to the vet the next morning. I got up at 10 and Sarah was upset and said that we should probably take him to the emergency vet to have him euthanized. She said he looked yellow like Melon did, so it was probably going to mean more force feeding for him if we tried to keep him alive. We had agreed to stop doing this to Melon, so it made sense to do the same for Bunky, even though it hurt both of us to lose him.

We took him to the emergency vet and they told us what we feared, that he was most likely experiencing liver failure and had pneumonia, and there was no guarantee that he would be able to bounce back, so we let him go. The really strange thing was that just the week before, I had a dream that I was chasing Bunky and finally caught him, because he needed to be put to sleep. I finally caught him and gave him half a pill (we give our dog half a thyrozine pill every meal), and he died in my arms. It freaked me out a little bit when I remembered it afterwards.

For some reason losing Bunky was not as upsetting to me as losing Melon was. One reason may have been that we knew he was going to die from the first day we had him. My sister said that maybe because we just went through this with Melon, it made Bunky's death easier to deal with. Also, he went downhill so fast. Aside from the sneezing, he didn't seem sick at all on Friday. I'm not saying I'm not upset at all; I am. When I came home from work, he was always the first to greet me at the door, and I missed that yesterday. It was also weird last night when I was making dinner, no one was in the kitchen looking for food. I take comfort in the fact that we helped him defy the odds and that he lived a long and hopefully happy life. He could get overbearing at times, and I feel bad about how I reacted to that sometimes. But like Sarah said, he just wanted to always be near us, and that's not a bad thing.

Rest in peace Bunky, I'm glad that you came into our lives and I love you very much and I will miss you terribly.

Winnie.

Continuing our cat series, Winnie is now the 3rd in command. I mentioned him in passing before, he was one of the first four domesticated cats that we took in as rescues (the first was a single feral mom and her kittens who stayed in our bathroom). The 4 cats were perfectly healthy; Sarah brought them home because the woman who had them didn't want them anymore and was going to take them to the SPCA, which was definitely not a no-kill shelter back then. Joining Winnie was an annoying but cute kitten named Tigger, and a pregnant married couple named Kanga and Blackfoot (bet you can't guess what we named one of Kanga's babies!).

Winnie was very skittish when he first came to us. He stayed under the bed for at least a week until he got to know us.Eventually we made friends with him and he became a very sweet boy. He also became a sort of mediator between all of the cats as the room he was in filled up with more cats. He was friendly to everyone and liked to play with the other cats and with any kind of dangly toy (we have one that has a jingle bell on it that is Winnie's favorite).

Eventually we adopted out most everyone out of the room so we could have it back as a bedroom, but Winnie wasn't one of them. We put the few remaining cats back outside for a little bit (they were all outdoor cats to begin with), but then we decided to bring them back inside and keep them ourselves. I think Winnie still remembers this brief period, as every once in awhile he manages to escape. He also likes to man the doors and windows too see what is going on outside. We can tell when there is a feline interloper outside, because Winnie meows weirdly when he sees one. We can also tell when something interesting is happening outside by Winnie trotting quickly from window to door to window. All part of the curiousness, I guess.

Winnie had a little bit of trouble convincing Sunny and Bunk that he could be their friend, but he eventually won everyone over. We were a little worried about Winnie catching HIV from those two, but we found out later that someone who gave us their cats for rescue didn't tell us that one of them was FIV positive, so Winnie may have already had it. But when we had him tested later on, he was negative, so we think he is immune to it.

Winnie is about 9 and is still very active. I mentioned the constant trotting, but he also likes wrestling. Bailey is his main partner, but Melon also liked to wrestle with Winnie. Winnie would wrestle with them for a few minutes, then fake walk away and comeback and attack. Very sneaky.

Winnie was in the first I Can Has Cheezburger book! If you need that explained to you, I can't help you. Sarah bought an old library card catalog to put her rubber stamps into. She was in the midst of doing that when I found that Winnie had climbed into it and was just hanging out in there. I went to get the camera, and he actually stayed in there until after I had gotten a few pictures. I uploaded it to Cheezburger and put a caption on it (which in retrospect, doesn't make any sense). I was disappointed that it didn't get any votes or make the homepage, and I forgot about it until I got an email from the Cheezburger people, who wanted to use it in their first book. Check towards the end of the book for the picture of Winnie!

I'm glad we kept Winnie. He is sweet boy and plays well with others, which I cannot say about all of the cats. Plus, he hasn't really been sick. One time he was moping excessively and not active at all, but we took him to the vet, he got a shot and was all better. Right now he is "mowing," and we can't figure out why, so he is going back to the vet. he usually takes it in stride, and they love him at the vet because he is so good-natured. The only negative against Winnie is his penchant for using my testicles as a jumping-off point when he doesn't want to be on my lap anymore. :(

Books #5 & #6

My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult

I have read a few of Jodi Picoult's books before; I was introduced to her work in a book club and I read another after that one because I enjoyed it. She apparently specializes in fictionalized accounts of real life news stories. This one happened in the early part of this century, where a couple had a daughter with a life threatening disease, and they conceive a baby (with the help of reproductive medicine specialists) so they can use the blood from the umbilical cord to help save the daughter. Jodi Picoult picks it up from there, and has the 13 year old donor daughter sue her parents for medical emancipation. I enjoyed the book, it was well written and I liked most of the characters. However, the ending was unforgivable. I won't spoil it for anyone, but it cast a pall over the rest of the book for me.

Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick

I tend to stay away from what everyone else labels as science fiction, so I'm just getting to this. I did read The Man in the High Castle years ago and enjoyed it, but I suppose I didn't consider it to be sci-fi. I knew it had been the basis for Blade Runner, but I haven't seen that either (I plan to now). Rick Deckard is the main character, his job is to retire (kill) androids on what's left of Earth, which was devastated by a nuclear war, which has also wiped out most of the animal species. There are 6 escaped Nexus-6 model androids on Earth, and they are so advanced that they could possibly pass the empathy tests developed to identify them.

I wish I hadn't waited so long to read this, I liked it a lot and finished it very quickly so I could find out what happened. Even if you're not a sci-fi nut, I think you will enjoy this book. I am planning to read more of Philip K. Dick's books, and I will definitely see Blade Runner.

I am currently reading Life Of Pi by Yann Martel, so look for a poorly thought out post for that book soon!

Goodbye Melon.

Those of you who are my friends on Facebook may know that our sweet girl Melon passed away on Saturday. We think she was around 9 or so. I wrote the blog post about her towards the end of January, and she was still very heavy then. She started to lose weight soon after that. We thought it was because she was constantly running around and wrestling with a few of our other cats. We had just brought in Hedwig to be an inside cat a few months previous, and she and Melon kind of became chasing buddies, i.e. they would chase each other all over the house. That's why we didn't think anything of the weight loss.

We went on vacation in the beginning of March, and Melon had dropped some more weight, but she was still very active with the other cats. When we came back it was a different story. She was markedly thinner than she was when we left, and she was hardly active at all. The Monday after we came back, she could jump on our bed, but by Wednesday she couldn't. She would hang on the side until we lifted her up. We took her to the vet and he told us that her liver was failing. He showed me where her skin was yellow, which I had not noticed before. He told us that we had to make her eat, which was the only way she could have a chance at getting better. He didn't know if the FIV was going to be a complication until we could stabilize her liver.

One option was a feeding tube, which involved surgery. I was there with Melon by myself so I told the vet I had to talk to Sarah about it. He gave us some special food and a large syringe and told us in the meantime to force feed her. She was so weak that force feeding her with the syringe wasn't a problem, but she did throw up quite a few times right after. We looked up feline feeding tubes on the web, and all the cats that had them looked miserable. We didn't think she would adapt well to the feeding tube, because she was constantly scratching at her pet collar thing after she had her surgery. She was also throwing up, which meant she could also throw up the feeding tube. The vet also said that there was no guarantee how long it would take her to eat by herself again, if at all.

We took her back to the vet after five days, and she hadn't lost any weight, so we decided to try harder with the force feeding. She was also dehydrated, so the vet gave us an IV drip bag that we had to use on her with a needle. I was hesitant to do this, and Sarah doesn't even like looking at needles, but Melon took the needle okay the first few times while Sarah held her. Thursday night was the end of the IV fluids though, she was struggling more and the needle came out halfway through. Through all of this, she would have good times and bad. She might be really bad in the morning, but she would be perky and a little active when I got home from work. But the force feeding was making all of us miserable.

Friday morning while I was at work, I got a tearful call from Sarah. She had tried force feeding Melon that morning, but she threw it back up. Sarah didn't want to torture her anymore, and I was in agreement, even though I didn't want to lose Melon. Sarah said she would call to make an appointment to euthanize Melon that night, but I asked her to make it for next morning, so Melon could have one last peaceful night with us. Both of us were glad that we had that last night together, even if I had to go to work early so we could make the appointment. Melon was glad too, as she seemed much happier not being poked or prodded.

The night at work was rough, because all I could think about was Melon and how she wouldn't be with us anymore. I was very upset, as she had become my favorite, but I knew she was suffering and I didn't want her to hurt anymore. My brain knew this, but my heart didn't. We took her to the vet without a carrier this time so she wouldn't be too stressed out. The people at the vet were very nice, they allow you to pay beforehand so you don't have to linger too long afterwards if you're upset. The vet was different from the one who initially treated Melon, but we know her well and she was very good to us and Melon. Both of us were crying hard after she was gone, and Sarah had to leave the room before I did. I didn't want to leave because I would never see her again.

I managed to hold it together somewhat until we got home, and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I pretty much broke down sobbing for about 5 minutes. Losing pets is extremely hard for me, I'm actually crying right now as I'm writing this. Like I said before, I didn't want her to suffer, but a part of me wanted to be selfish and keep her with us so it wouldn't hurt. I know we did the right thing for her, even if it did make us sad.

When we came back from the vet, I took everything out of our bedroom that we put in there special for Melon. I didn't want to be reminded of her being sick. We both took a nap after that, but I didn't sleep well. I know I had dreams about Melon, but I couldn't remember them. Last night I had a dream that I was chasing Hedwig through a mall, and somehow she was yelling (or meowing, I guess) Melon's name over and over as she ran. We went to my in-laws for dinner, but I wasn't all there, I was still thinking about Melon. It hit me hard again when we went to bed, because she had spent the last week and a half with us in the bedroom. The same thing happened last night when I went to bed, and I'm sure it will happen tonight as well. It will take time. The worst part about that is that we had her cremated separately, so it will hurt all over again when I go to pick up her ashes. We never liked the fact of having our pets cremated anonymously. We buried the first cat we had to have cremated, but not the ones after that. We didn't want them to be cold underground. I know that sounds stupid, but that's how we feel.

Melon, you were such a good, brave, sweet, beautiful girl. I'm so glad that we were able to be your people, even if it was for only a short time. We and all of your kitty and doggie friends will miss you very much. Rest in peace sweet girl, we love you so much.

Book #4

Under The Dome, by Stephen King

Every time I go to the library, I check the Stephen King section because I have a backlog of his books that I need to read. I would reserve them, but then I'm never able to make it to the library in time, and they get put back into circulation. But this time I managed to find one I hadn't read, and Good Lord, it is a large one, over 1000 pages. And it figures that it took me the least amount of time to read it of the books I have read so far this year. But I read most of it on the plane to Vegas and the drive to AZ, so that's why I finished it so quickly.

Not much to tell about this one, it's not one of my favorites of his, but I didn't hate it like the Tommyknockers (bleah). It's typical Stephen King, supernatural tales filled with endless description (which I do like). It was kind of like putting on an old pair of jeans, comfy and familiar. For awhile there he kind of got away from horror/supernatural, and I really enjoyed those novels very much (Hearts In Atlantis is probably my second favorite of his). I think all I have left of his is two short story collections and whatever he just released. The most exciting news is that there will be another Dark Tower book! It's supposed to come out next year, but I most likely will not be in line the day it is released. I'll wait a year or two until I find it in the stacks.