Goodbye Melon.

Those of you who are my friends on Facebook may know that our sweet girl Melon passed away on Saturday. We think she was around 9 or so. I wrote the blog post about her towards the end of January, and she was still very heavy then. She started to lose weight soon after that. We thought it was because she was constantly running around and wrestling with a few of our other cats. We had just brought in Hedwig to be an inside cat a few months previous, and she and Melon kind of became chasing buddies, i.e. they would chase each other all over the house. That's why we didn't think anything of the weight loss.

We went on vacation in the beginning of March, and Melon had dropped some more weight, but she was still very active with the other cats. When we came back it was a different story. She was markedly thinner than she was when we left, and she was hardly active at all. The Monday after we came back, she could jump on our bed, but by Wednesday she couldn't. She would hang on the side until we lifted her up. We took her to the vet and he told us that her liver was failing. He showed me where her skin was yellow, which I had not noticed before. He told us that we had to make her eat, which was the only way she could have a chance at getting better. He didn't know if the FIV was going to be a complication until we could stabilize her liver.

One option was a feeding tube, which involved surgery. I was there with Melon by myself so I told the vet I had to talk to Sarah about it. He gave us some special food and a large syringe and told us in the meantime to force feed her. She was so weak that force feeding her with the syringe wasn't a problem, but she did throw up quite a few times right after. We looked up feline feeding tubes on the web, and all the cats that had them looked miserable. We didn't think she would adapt well to the feeding tube, because she was constantly scratching at her pet collar thing after she had her surgery. She was also throwing up, which meant she could also throw up the feeding tube. The vet also said that there was no guarantee how long it would take her to eat by herself again, if at all.

We took her back to the vet after five days, and she hadn't lost any weight, so we decided to try harder with the force feeding. She was also dehydrated, so the vet gave us an IV drip bag that we had to use on her with a needle. I was hesitant to do this, and Sarah doesn't even like looking at needles, but Melon took the needle okay the first few times while Sarah held her. Thursday night was the end of the IV fluids though, she was struggling more and the needle came out halfway through. Through all of this, she would have good times and bad. She might be really bad in the morning, but she would be perky and a little active when I got home from work. But the force feeding was making all of us miserable.

Friday morning while I was at work, I got a tearful call from Sarah. She had tried force feeding Melon that morning, but she threw it back up. Sarah didn't want to torture her anymore, and I was in agreement, even though I didn't want to lose Melon. Sarah said she would call to make an appointment to euthanize Melon that night, but I asked her to make it for next morning, so Melon could have one last peaceful night with us. Both of us were glad that we had that last night together, even if I had to go to work early so we could make the appointment. Melon was glad too, as she seemed much happier not being poked or prodded.

The night at work was rough, because all I could think about was Melon and how she wouldn't be with us anymore. I was very upset, as she had become my favorite, but I knew she was suffering and I didn't want her to hurt anymore. My brain knew this, but my heart didn't. We took her to the vet without a carrier this time so she wouldn't be too stressed out. The people at the vet were very nice, they allow you to pay beforehand so you don't have to linger too long afterwards if you're upset. The vet was different from the one who initially treated Melon, but we know her well and she was very good to us and Melon. Both of us were crying hard after she was gone, and Sarah had to leave the room before I did. I didn't want to leave because I would never see her again.

I managed to hold it together somewhat until we got home, and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I pretty much broke down sobbing for about 5 minutes. Losing pets is extremely hard for me, I'm actually crying right now as I'm writing this. Like I said before, I didn't want her to suffer, but a part of me wanted to be selfish and keep her with us so it wouldn't hurt. I know we did the right thing for her, even if it did make us sad.

When we came back from the vet, I took everything out of our bedroom that we put in there special for Melon. I didn't want to be reminded of her being sick. We both took a nap after that, but I didn't sleep well. I know I had dreams about Melon, but I couldn't remember them. Last night I had a dream that I was chasing Hedwig through a mall, and somehow she was yelling (or meowing, I guess) Melon's name over and over as she ran. We went to my in-laws for dinner, but I wasn't all there, I was still thinking about Melon. It hit me hard again when we went to bed, because she had spent the last week and a half with us in the bedroom. The same thing happened last night when I went to bed, and I'm sure it will happen tonight as well. It will take time. The worst part about that is that we had her cremated separately, so it will hurt all over again when I go to pick up her ashes. We never liked the fact of having our pets cremated anonymously. We buried the first cat we had to have cremated, but not the ones after that. We didn't want them to be cold underground. I know that sounds stupid, but that's how we feel.

Melon, you were such a good, brave, sweet, beautiful girl. I'm so glad that we were able to be your people, even if it was for only a short time. We and all of your kitty and doggie friends will miss you very much. Rest in peace sweet girl, we love you so much.