New career is kaput.

When I was young I had designs on being some sort of writer, as I think I have posted before. When I met Sarah, she was a journalist like me, and I told her I wanted to write a book about my grandfather. She gave me some writing instructional stuff that she had from school and encouraged me a lot, but the closest I got to starting that book was last year on this blog. Nothing since then.

I had hopes that blogging would help me become a better writer (or a writer at all), but I don't think it's working. Just doing Nablopomo every day for a month is really annoying, and as a writer I would have to spend a lot more time on it than I do on my blog. True, life/work gets in the way, but even when it doesn't I can't commit, hence my very infrequent posting when I'm not doing Nablopomo.

I don't know if I'll ever finish the book. My friend Adam is a writer, and he writes a lot and enjoys it. He also submits a lot of stuff to publishers and is rejected, but he makes fun of that and keeps going. I don't think I would be able to deal with that. He and Sarah said that I should write things down about my grandfather on my blog, and maybe collate it all into a book later, which is very easy to do these days. That's a good idea that I think I will try, but once November is over, I don't know what will happen.

Another communication thing I've been wanting to do is a podcast. I love listening to them and I want to join in, because I can be anonymous; I don't really like a lot of attention anymore. I'm not very sociable either, so this way I can reach people without actually interacting with them. I know this is sad, and I don't really have any explanation for it, it just developed gradually since my early 20s, I think. As with writing, I've been hemming and hawing about it for 2 years now. I did record a test that came out decent and I have everything in place for it, but I haven't been able to hit the Commit button yet. The same thing with Librivox, I volunteered to read a chapter of a book two months ago and haven't done it yet. That actually has a due date, so I will get that done, but the book and the podcast don't. I can put a mental due date on them, like this month's blogging, but my other mental parts will rationalize not doing it. My main problem is that I have so many things that I want/need to do that I don't know where to start, so I don't start at all. I somehow need to fix that.